Dear bitch (Matt Reed),
How’s the wife? How are the kids? It’s crazy to even comprehend what you’re doing right now. I’m just sitting at the kitchen table in Whitefish and staring out the window at the clear blue sky, snowy mountains, and the train that just passed through. I’m stuck here because of the damn coronavirus, isolated from both my high school and college friends. It especially sucks because I’ve only been with Rachel about a month and we went from the shortest possible distance relationship to a long-distance one real quick. I really miss her and hope this doesn’t ruin things for us. I guess you know exactly what happens. Maybe you have a new girlfriend for all I know. Just make sure whoever it is that she treats you right and that you treat her right. Make her feel secure and safe, that’s your job.
What are you even studying by the way? Right now, I’m really enjoying computer science, but there’s a lot of time between now and now. Maybe now you’re laughing at yourself ever considering computer science. Or maybe you’re still doing computer science. Or maybe you don’t even go to Stanford anymore in which case damn what a turn of events. I think it would be dope to become a famous musician and just drop out, but I have no idea what I’m supposed to write songs about.
Why am I even writing a letter to my future self? How the fuck am I supposed to be giving advice to someone who has all the experience I have and more? It should be you who are giving me advice. Maybe I’ll just write some of the questions I struggle to answer, and maybe you have answers for them. Do I have free will? I’m pretty sure not. It doesn’t even make any sense when you break it down. Does the universe mean anything? Do we have any superphysical powers or senses? Do I have a soul or does the universe have one collective soul? Is it better to be wise or to be human? What the fuck am I writing about?
I guess just make sure what you’re doing is what you truly want to be doing. Make sure you’re living a life that keeps you excited. Like it doesn’t have to be Wolf of Wallstreet level, but don’t settle for mediocrity. You’re done with college now, so I really hope you lived that up as much as you can. What’s your body count now? If you can count it on both hands then you’ve failed. I’m kidding of course. How many drugs have you done? Are you still mentally sane? I keep saying this, but what the fuck am I supposed to bring to the table here? I have less foresight than I have foreskin and I’m obviously less wise than you. Maybe I’ll just leave you with the challenge that changed your life Freshman year. Do something right now that will prevent a future regret. Two months ago, that meant kissing Rachel, and look where that got me. I have my first girlfriend and now I’m the fucking king of simps missing her from 1000 miles away. Point is, you’re not going to regret anything you’ve done, you’re mostly going to regret things you haven’t done. So go out there and kiss that girl (unless you have a girlfriend, then probably not a good move). Okay bye bitch. Love yourself, don’t take yourself or life so seriously, let the people you love know you love them. K Bye.
Matthisimus Reedithicus